An ass chewing? Well, your house or mine?

So, it's Wednesday morning and I head to court. This is one of my least favorite ways to start the day. It's five 'till nine in the morning and I'm about to stand in line waiting to enter the courthouse. Most court sessions start at 9am, thus making the pre-nine line a long one. I know this, and I realize that getting there earlier would make the line shorter, but that still doesn't mean I do. So, here I stand with the dregs of society. The lawyers and cops don't have to stand in this line. They get to cut through a special entrance. Everyone else gets to wait and go through the metal detector. This means the prosecution and defense stand side by side as we slowly move our way through the cattle-style procession. I am surrounded by the smell of body odor and pot. I get the occasional dirty look as my preppie little outfit has a way of standing out in this scene. No matter though, this is far from my first time here. I'm not new to the game, and my demeanor over-rides my look.

I finally make my way through the metal detector...

"the man with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle"

and up to the room where eviction court is starting. After a quick look at the docket hanging in the hall to see how far down the list I am (damn-near the bottom, great), I make my way inside. It is a relatively small room crammed tightly with chairs. People are packed in and there is a quiet sense of discontent in the air. I quickly scan the room to find an empty seat, for there will be NO STANDING IN THE ISLES. Apparently standing in the isle is almost as bad as talking, but not quite. The courtroom is treated like a classroom where the judge is the teacher, and this teacher is definitely in charge of the class.

As the cases are called, the defendants and prosecution make their way to the front of the room to stand in front of the judge. Occasionally one or the other is accompanied by an attorney. The rest of the room has nothing to do but sit back and watch until their name is called. It is generally a pretty cut and dry routine. The prosecution runs through their little list of things to say (basically this is my name, this person lives there, they haven't paid rent, I want them to leave). The defense is then asked, assuming they are even there, if they have anything to ask or say. Then, regardless of their response, they are given 7 days to move out. What can they say really, if they haven't paid rent there is very little defense (which is why many don't even show up).

Now, in this particular instance the landlord did not have an attorney, but the tenant did. The landlord goes through his little routine speel, and then it's opened up to the tenant. The tenant's lawyer starts in on the landlord as if he is on some daytime court TV show. He starts yelling at the landlord basically saying how dare the landlord put his client out since she has a kid and is also pregnant. After a few minutes of the landlord's shocked stumbling and the lawyer's constant browbeating, the judge finally yells, "STOP! THAT'S ENOUGH!" He then sits there in silence for a moment looking at the lawyer as if trying to make his head explode with telepathy. The judge then calls a recess (weee, dodgeball) and yells to the lawyer to meet him in the hall. When they re-enter the lawyer proceeds to his seat with his tail between his legs. The judge informs the clients that he will continue their case at the end.

"Your honor I object!"
"On what grounds?"
"It's devistating to my case."

For the rest of the morning, the judge is in a pretty pissy mood. He does his job just fine, but god forbid anyone who is not at the stand open their mouth in his courtroom the rest of the morning. At one point someone in the back of the room had the balls to talk on a cell phone. Now, I was closer to the person than the judge and I couldn't hear them, but I thought the judge was going to crap himself. "You had better not be on the phone while this court is in session! Get out of this room!" The judge then turns his attention to the lawyer from before, "I think that is one of your clients. You had better get out there and tell her to stay in the hall until her case is called. You stay out there too, and when you come back in you may need representation yourself the way this day is going!" The lawyer hurried out of the room while sheepishly saying, "yes your honor, yes your honor."

Now regardless of how you feel about lawyers, to see that big of a jackass put in his place so sternly was a beautiful thing to behold. It almost made the whole crap morning worth it, almost.

--sorry, I had Jim Carrey on the brain I guess-- AML