Fun With Quotes

Actually, no, I'm not talking about movie quotes right now. Although that is normally where my head is. The following are some of my favorites things actually said to me by my tenants over the past week:

“I ain’t trying to be on a diet. I like being fat.” --> said in reference to the replacement refrigerator we were going to give him being a little smaller than the one he had

“I’ve got ticks in my carpet and they’re biting me!” --> an emergency call

“Is my butt too big to be wearing these shorts?” --> asked while stopping by the office after her shopping excursion

“I had to change because I couldn’t hold it coming back from the bus” --> the classic over-share

Now kids, let's put them together as if it was one conversation and all comming from the same tenant...
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Tenant (busting through the office door): “I’ve got ticks in my carpet and they’re biting me!”

Me: "Ticks eh? Well, I'll send someone down and we''ll see what we can do to take care of it. You look nice today."

Tenant: “Is my butt too big to be wearing these shorts?”

Me: "I don't... um... those shorts are nice. Why, did someone say something to you?"

Tenant: “I ain’t trying to be on a diet. I like being fat.”

Me: "So... are your shorts new?"

Tenant: “I had to change because I couldn't hold it coming back from the bus.”

Me: "Alllrighty, have a nice day."
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Hee hee, that's funny to me.

By the way, I'm not sure what was going on in this apartment...

...but as long as it continues their rent is free.